Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

★★★★☆

If you are a gender studies or sexuality studies major or perhaps you've spent years exploring your sexuality in a safe and open environment, this is likely going to be a refresher with some cool science facts thrown in. But for the rest of us... this is a jaw-dropping, science-based unveiling of understanding women's sexuality. 

Come As You Are has one critical message, in my opinion, and that is "We are all the same. We are all different. We are all normal." Emily Nagoski spends time breaking down the science of sex and sexuality, particularly biology and anatomy and how they come together, as well as our brains and how they work. "What matters most is not the parts you are made of or how they are organised, but how you feel about those parts. When you embrace your sexuality precisely as it is right now, that's the context that creates the greatest potential for ecstatic pleasure." And I don't know about you, but that sounds freeing, that sounds attainable, that sounds beautiful.  

So, what will you learn in about 300 pages about sexuality? The biggest lesson I learned was about the dual-control model – our accelerator and our brakes. The things that rev us up and those that really slow us down. By better understanding our own accelerators and brakes as well as those of our partners, we can learn how to create sensuality and sexuality in our lives. 

While we learn about arousal, desire, orgasm – this book is about more than just sex. We learn about stress cycles (if you haven't read Burn Out you definitely should!) and how our stress and emotions impact our lives and our sex lives. She talks about attachment styles, trauma, self-compassion (and our inner critic), confidence and joy.

You'll come away from this book knowing that you are normal. That you can let go of everything that is holding you back (and wow is there a long list) to welcome your sexuality as it is today, which is perfect as it is.

Thank you, Emily Nagoski, for writing this book. This should be required reading for all women and partners of women.