How to Kill Your Family by Bella Mackie
I just Googled the title of Bella Mackie’s novel and am now fairly certain I’m on some sort of criminal watch list. Not to worry – I’ve learnt enough from the psychopathic but worryingly relatable main character Grace Bernard to worm my way out of any legal trouble. Tip number one seems fairly obvious: don’t write down a detailed account of your misdeeds. But then, we wouldn’t have this romp of a cynical comedy to entertain us.
Writing from her jail cell, Grace’s confessional reveals her carefully planned mission to kill her father and all his living relatives. Her motive is partially financial – her father is stinking rich yet he won’t give Grace or her mother a penny – although this is also the story of an illegitimate child failing to receive recognition and acceptance from the successful side of the family. Emotional gut-wrenching aside (and there is enough to keep Grace just about on the right side of likeable), it is the fast-paced, funny writing that makes this book worth a read.
Grace is quick-witted and her petty digs at society and its mores are the best part of this book. From her adventures in Spain to the marshes of Walthamstow to dank fetish clubs, the story is peppered with Grace’s little knowing asides to the reader, though her relentless sarcasm can become slightly wearying after a stretch.
The plot suffered from the occasional logical gaps, which to be fair I noticed only in retrospect once the initial shock of the (sometimes frankly brutal) violence wore off. It’s a strange feeling when you realise you’re nitpicking a serial murderer’s methodology, but in an age when many of us actually fall asleep listening to true crime podcasts, writers need to make sure these aspects are water-tight. This is only a minor criticism, however, and the book’s overall blend of dark humour, mean-girl wit, and twisting plot make for a fun read.
